February. Let’s get raw and real in this post.
February has had to be the most stressful month so far. I’ve recently found out what it means to be an artist.
Some artist, who take their jump usually have saved income or still live at home and have mom and dad paying of their expenses (rent, insurance, phone, so on). So when I lost my full time salary job last year, I was devastated. Like a lot of us, I live on my own and have my own expenses I have to pay for. I had gotten so comfortable making a decent salary, making a paycheck every two weeks and being okay with working at job I hated so much. Only to have that follow along with a car accident, flat tire and dead battery with in a week, or less, of each other, that same month. Expenses were high and income was none existent. I panicked and started job hunting like crazy.
What i didn’t know at the time was that this was a blessing in disguise. With the help and support of my best friend, I managed to truly believe in myself. I started to get consistent work. I was booking regularly and at some points i was making more income now than I was working at my 9-5 corporate job. This of course isn’t always the blessing many have and it doesn’t always last forever.
With other expenses coming, money, of course, came and went. It’s just money, but what really made me truly happy was the fact that in my deepest of downs, I had such amazing friends to push me forward.
Fast forward to today. I have been beyond stressful. I have had to swallow my pride and ask for help, for the first time since I’ve lost my job. I’ve have never felt so shitty in my entire adult life. The stress had amounted so high that I got drunk (at home) for the first time since my 21st birthday. I had a full fledge 2007 Brittany break down. I panicked, questioned my work, searched for “real” jobs and so on. On top of that, I split my back hand wide open, last week, with a broken glass and thought I was going to bleed out! I am, thankfully, okay. As you can tell, I am no doctor haha. I spoke to another photographer friend of mine, and they themselves have been in this situation. It happens to everyone, except in my case I took a massive risk because i didn’t have any form of backup to begin with. I became a part of this new group on facebook and someone posted a the exact situation I am in. I could not believe it. I was not alone. It sucks that there some of us out here struggling and contemplating getting a “real” job because we are flat out scared but I was relieved to know that I am not alone.
Fear is the biggest reason why a lot of people aren’t doing what they are most passionate about. I once again got myself together, and since have been able to get some work, not a lot but some. I am thankful, thankful to have my health, my friends and my family. I am thankful to Yahweh for providing and I know he will provide again. If you are in this situation, have comfort knowing that you are not alone, that you will get past this and you will soon be in the green. Look around you, look at the amazing people in your life. Be grateful for all that you have and have a drink!